There’s a feeling of something missing. Like something I have forgotten. Something that I’m supposed to be doing but I’m not. Its a feeling I’m just not able to shake. I don’t think I’m even trying to shake the feeling to be honest. I’m just letting it be. I did not create it. I have no idea where and how it has come. So why should I bother doing anything about it. Can I do something about it even if I want to? Nah! I don’t think so.
Drugs, alcohol, TV, sheesha, gym can only help me become unconscious about this feeling. I don’t think it can do anything to the feeling per se. The feeling is not there to punish me. It is just feedback from my body letting me know that there’s something that I’m not doing right. The feeling is the universe communicating to me. The only way to receive the communication is by being conscious. By making myself unconscious I am only going to make the feeling worse. Because it will be pushed down further into my unconscious.
The only way out of this feeling is by understanding what its trying to tell me. And for me to receive the information, I have to be open, receptive, aware, present and conscious. Basically I have to be my true self. I am the witness and I have to take my stand as my true self. The feeling is bothering me because I am identified with it. I am under the illusion that this feeling is happening to me. I have jumped from being my true self into the ego, the body, the mind. Why else would the feeling bother me? If I was the witness, its as if this feeling is happening to someone else. In reality, it is happening to not me. Its happening to the body and the mind. I am the witness that is aware of the body and the mind and the feeling. The identification is the issue. Not the feeling.
The moment I remember this, that I am the witness, the step back happens. I am conscious, present and receptive. I cannot force the understanding just like how I cannot force the seed to sprout. I can only ready the soil and prepare the seed’s environment to be in the best possible state to sprout. It is my natural state.