A lot of your energy is being spent in repressing the darkness within you.
Anger, jealousy, greed, anxiety are all considered negative by you. Whenever they arise, they create a lot of discomfort. And because of the discomfort, they are thought to be bad and negative. Instead of understanding these sensations, feelings, emotions and thoughts, you start pushing them away. You start rejecting them. You start suppressing them. This takes a lot of energy. This darkness is not thrown out. Where will they go? They move deeper and deeper within you. And it takes constant energy to keep them buried. It is as if you are sitting on a volcano blocking it from erupting. You cannot relax now. The moment you relax, the volcano erupts in the form of a reaction. A small scratch and all the ugliness is revealed. It then takes even more effort and energy to suppress it. You have to keep yourself in a constant state of distraction. You use objects, relationships, substances to do this. Anything that allows your mind to be occupied. A great fear arises of the darkness. You know that anytime the volcano can erupt and disrupt everything.