I just wanted to see how it feels to type on my computer instead of using a pen to write. The feeling is similar. I just wait for something to come in and I transcribe it. If nothing comes, I wait and write nothing. There is no force or hurry to write something. There is no deadline or target. There is no purpose to this as well. I sometimes type something and I also delete it out. This is one of the biggest advantages of typing versus writing. Writing can also get a little tiring. The handwriting keeps changing as I move along. Sometimes the speed of my writing increases which makes my handwriting go berserk. I suppose that is not the case with typing. Along with the voice I am transcribing, I am also aware of a background sort of voice that is telling me all sorts of things on how we can monetise my writing. That I can start a newsletter or something. Even though I am not against any of that, the fact that I am thinking about it is proof enough that this is coming from my ego. It is coming from the sense of lack. Because the moment I catch that thread of thought and I start pulling it, i.e I start thinking it, I am aware of strange and weird feeling in my belly. Something tells me I am not ready for all of that. I am not ready to go public with any of the things that I am realising. It is not ripe yet. If it is meant to happen, it will just happen. Without any effort at all.
The funny thing is that the words that I am typing here are also a voice in my head but somehow it feels different. This is more of a feeling. It is quite difficult to explain it. It’s just something that is showing up in real time you know. It’s like the typing is happening on its own. My fingers are moving across the computer keyboard and the words are showing up on the screen and I am reading it only then. Till they show up on the screen, I have no idea what is going to show up. So strange and weird and fun.
What would I like to talk about today? What wants to come through me today?
Just writing is giving me joy. Writing for no one. Just letting the words flow out of me. It is just so freeing and exciting. What is going to come out of me? It allows me to get so much clarity on what exactly is going on in my mind.